When you spend money on yourself, do you feel "funny"?

Simple question of the title.

Tonight I am debating to make a toy purchase that is wholly for myself, buy back my old Ducati 999. I can afford it, and while not an investment I wouldn't lose much money even if I sold next spring. But that is besides the point.

I realized something about myself in general in the past few months, I don't completely understand its origin, but basically I find it hardest to do things for myself rather than my family.

-Wife and daughter really wanted a pool, so last year we put in a pool at used 360 Modena-type money, the biggest luxury item I have ever purchased, and had to borrow some of it which pained me to do. I would have never done it on my own, but it was for them and they enjoyed it very much this year.

-Spent another used Ducati 999 or two worth of landscaping finishing the pool area this year and buying all the stuff that goes with owning one. Outdoor furniture, retaining wall, etc add up fast. Again this was to complete the project and make the rest of the yard as nice as the pool area. My dad and I spent about three months seemingly every weekend, every vacation day I could squeeze in, doing most of the landscaping ourselves.

-I find that when they need something, I generally don't have an issue paying the bill. Say daughter wants to do an activity that is $300, or $1000, sometimes I grumble but we usually always do it. Or wife wants something, It usually happens.

The issue comes to me. I find my default is to try to find the cheapest alternative or talk myself out of it. Say motorcycle gloves, best are Dainese Full Metal Pro, about $350, with other excellent alternatives about that same price. I will usually end up talking myself into marginal ones at Cycle Gear that are $40, not even the best examples of their house brand. So I buy it and then wish I had just spent more to get what I want.

Last year for my birthday I splurged and bought the most expensive new helmet I have ever had: a whopping $220 AGV. Felt guilty and almost took it back. WTH is wrong with me?

I sold the 999 at a moment of temporary insanity (clarity?) when I thought I didn't want any bikes at all and my 851 was in pieces. Always regretted selling it, bought two (very cheap, fairly undesirable) motorcycles in the past four years. I see the 999 pop up for sale, last year we were in the middle of the pool and I didn't think I could afford it. I vowed if I could later I would buy it. So now it is available again, and I am surprised why I am struggling with strange feeling of guilt and irresponsibility and I haven't even bought it yet. I find myself thinking of every reason NOT to buy it.

Time and activities are the same thing. Do I take that 200 mile ride, or play a round of golf, or watch a whole football game? Nope, I find myself cleaning the garage, mowing the yard ( an activity I detest), or working at home in the evening. It is like I can never stop the obligation motor in my head. There is always something more important to do than what I think I really want to do. Again, what is wrong with me?

Does anyone struggle with splurging on yourself, but doesn't have that issue with loved ones? Do I secretly like denying myself? What a strange night I am having...

 

Thanks for the responses. The bike is currently on Ebay and I have put a bid in, with a max bid at what I think a fair price is for the bike. Auction ends in a couple of hours. If my max bid and his reserve overlap, great I get the bike. If I am the highest bidder without meeting reserve (what I expect) I guess he and I can discuss if we can meet pricewise where we will both be satisfied.

Option 3 of course is that someone outbids my max, also very possible. If that happens then maybe this bike, on this day, was not really meant to be.

 

Highest bidder, below reserve. Currently negotiating through Ebay messages....

 

I thought we would work something out after the auction but that does not seem to be the case. Owner more or less gave me a take it or leave it pRice that is about $1000 over market for the bike. Although I would like it, I don't have to buy it at that price. So far he has ignored my counter which surprises me a little but also tells me it just wasn't meant to be. So he can pay insurance and taxes another year and hold out until spring to get a few hundred extra $$$ I guess.

Disappointing but ultimately I was my choice to not overpay. I told my wife I feel fine about it. The mistake was not buying it back last year from its second owner, he was willing to make a great deal on it (in the spirit of this thread he was raising cash to buy his wife her dream car )

Thanks everyone for the responses.

 

At the moment I'm not really shopping for a bike, but this one came up and the only reason I wanted it was because I used to own it. Would like either an RSV4 or Panigale in a couple of years, or I may sell all of them (Duc 851, Aprilia Mille, Honda VF1000R) and switch to four wheels. My knees are not getting any younger after three surgeries.

 

Yes I passed on it a second time over the weekend. Owner basically reiterated the price (took off $100 but also removed some of the extras with the bike so a wash).

We were $800 apart, and to your point if I really wanted it that small amount would not be an impediment. He is not unreasonable on his price, but enough over FMV that I am not willing to overpay. I talked myself out of it (again) Sunday night.

I have used this as an opportunity to really think about my motivations for this in particular as well as life in general. I look at my parents: dad travelled for work all the time, mom was "thrifty" to say the least. I would never claim we were poor growing up, but I think they had the balance toward saving or denying their own (and our) happiness too far most of the time. No Nike or Adidas that would last the whole basketball season, in their mind get a pair of P.O.S. Trax brand from K-mart that would last a few weeks, then do it again the next time Trax go on blue-light special.

I resolved once I had a child not to travel for work unless I had to. Probably has hurt my career somewhat but I have given her the attention she needs, which was especially important when she was young (spent first year in an orphanage with all the attachment issues possible in that scenario), I have been there for the recitals & school parties that my parents were not. At 9, like you say there are not too many years she will want to be around us at this point. Likewise I have taken the approach of quality over quantity for her things as well as our house. I told my wife on the pool that if I couldn't do it "right" then I wasn't doing it at all. We waited a couple of years before we knew exactly what we wanted, what it cost, and that we could afford it.

Below is a picture of her and the bike when she was little, about 18 months, with her security blanket. She was the main reason I sold the bike, worrying about getting hurt or killed and not seeing her grow up. That phase passed after I went several months without riding. I ride as safe as you can on two wheels now when I do ride.

My parents however are still doing the same old thing. Bought a beautiful house (bank repo) after he retired a couple of years ago on 5 acres, he wants to build a shop building for his new tractor collection. But his plan is to cheap out to where the house is stone & brick, shop is siding. Cheap garage doors on the shop, etc. Basically he will spend $35k for a non-matching building that will look terrible, rather than another $10k and have it look like part of the house.

So I thought to myself "am I doing the same thing?" Am I choosing to go the cheap route and drawing an imaginary line in the sand I won't pay over to ensure I don't buy this Ducati back? Possibly. Or like you said maybe I really don't want it, like girlfriends there is a reason you broke up and getting back together will remind you soon why.

If anyone is interested, it is a good bike. Never down, tracked, or abused in my ownership and it looks the same now.
Ducati 999 Mint Condition!
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Bike is back on Ebay, now with original exhaust and $300 cheaper. Glad I kept that exhaust and ECU for him

Feel like an old girlfriend is calling me....