by: Jack Booker
Enzo had one, so why don’t you?
It’s odd that something as wonderful as a Beater car carries such a poor connotation. And sure, if your only vehicle is a 1993 Jeep Grand Cherokee with 200,000 miles and no doors, then you may not be proud of your transportation situation. But for others, specifically those that have multiple cars, a Beater can be a saving grace or better yet, a close friend. Having a low-value, high-utility vehicle can be both practical and enjoyable, and if you don’t believe me then you’ll have to ask Enzo about his Peugot(s).
For one thing, Beaters come in all shapes and sizes. You could have a old Mercedes sedan, a rusty Chevy pickup, or in my case, a 20 year-old Mazda compact. The beauty of this amorphous Beater term is that the essence of such a car lies in its goal. You can find any variation of a Beater to fit your most desired utility. You want over 40mpg? There’s a Beater for that. You want to haul a load to the dump? Yep, there’s a beater for that. You need to drive across the country off-grid to meet with a secret society deep in the forest? You get the idea…
And perhaps the best feature of a Beater goes beyond what it is explicitly used for, accomplishing goals of your entire garage and driving history. While you are driving the Beater, guess which car is avoiding miles? That’s right, the Ferrari. And when you want to learn vehicle dynamics, but don’t want to track your Italian exotic just yet, well you have the perfect car available. One that’s sole purpose is to literally take a beating, so that your other cars don’t have to.
The case for a Beater is clear cut. But there’s one variable I’ve purposefully left out- women. More specifically, anyone that you consult (either out of reverence or obligation) when buying a vehicle. “Where are you going to park it? I’m not riding in that. Don’t tell anyone about this one…” I’m sure we all know what I’m talking about here. It’s one thing when they question your gorgeous collector car- they are ignorant and don’t know what’s cool- but no one happily defends a Beater. And that’s exactly why it’s a close friend. That’s why it’s worth having, despite the poor connotation. After all, people find it odd that Enzo drove a Peugeot 404.
