The Family Guy Quotes thread

Meg: Mom guess what! I made the Flag Girl squad
Stewie: Flag Girl? Ummmm, yes good for you... Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call!

 

From the episode where Brian becomes a coke head and brings home a prostitute... Stewie says, "so is there any more traction left on that joyride or is it like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?"

Ha!

 

lmao that was so hilarious. they were having a contest to see who can last the longest. One of them said something along the lines "Well it looks like we arn't gonn-BLAHHH, oh aww ahhh BLAHHHH" lmao.

Here's another one. When peter remembers that time when he crapped his pants. "UH OHHH" lmao, my friends and i have started saying that.

 

Peter is applying for welfare:

Bureaucrat: Do you have any disabilities, physical abnormalities, birth defects?
Peter: Uh, let's see...I didn't have gas for the first time until I was thirty!

Cut to hippie Peter sitting in a bean-bag chair, reading.

Hippie Peter: *farts*
Hippie Peter: *looks up*
Hippie Peter: What the hell was that?!

 

I think he said "Blackuweather forcast" like a spoof of the accuweather forecast. Thats how I heard it, and quite frankly, its funnier that way.

 

After wathcing Stewie Griffin: The Untold story, the funniest thing I have seen in a long time, my favorite quotes.

*Peter walks into video store he visits and finds out that its been bought out by another video store*

Peter: Hi, yea, I used to come in here to Sal's once or twice a week to uhh....rent movies from his uhhhh.... "back room"....you know what I mean? The uhhhh...room for "adults only".....you know, the kinda movies that are X-rated-pornos and uhhh....fully nude people fornicate for the camera, stuff comes out....get my meaning?

Video store guy: Oh, Im sorry, but Lackluster video takes a strong moral stance against pornography...."

*Tom Tucker walks in*

Tom "Hi, Im Tom Tucker. Do me a favor and fill this bag with a sampling of motion pictures feauturing girls on girls or anything involving an amputee"

Peter: "Yea, save your money Tucker, this place doesnt have porn, they think its "im-moral" ....You know, that really grings my gears! Where in the bible does it say a man cant fire off a few knuckle-children in the privacy of his own neighbors living-room because his neighbors at work and because I dont have a DVD player huh? Well I dont know where it says that because they bible is way to long to read!"
-----------------------------------------
*Quagmire, who is going across the country to sleep with a girl in each state, calls brian and stewie over to check out his RV"

Quagmire: "Hey Brian, check out my RV. You like the sign?

Brian" Quagmires Cross-Country tour......uhhhhh Quagmire, isnt there an O in Country?"

Quagmire: "Nope!"

 

May have already been posted, but I just love all the Blackuweather stuff:

"IT RANIN SIDEWAYS!"

 

My favourite lines are when stewie just goes off on some long winded insult.

Stewie (to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend):
Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow"! Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!

Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!

etc etc

 

Its one of the best shows on TV. Every show makes you laugh out loud and has good quotes. Never been disappointed by anyone of their shows.

Mark

 

I never liked the Simpsons, so I wasn't really motivated to try out Family Guy. Until a buddy lent me the DVD of season 1. First minutes and the whole neighbourhood "hey peter, did she just change the thermostat?". Got me ROFLMFAO. Addicted ever since.

then the now famous "IT'S GON RAIN!"

and many many others...

 

"Dad what would you say if I wanted to quit boy scouts?"

"Id say come again, and then laugh because I said come."

 

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Peter, while sleeping hungover on the table, breakfast on him "Now kids, daddy drank only so that the statue of liberty would take her clothes off..."

 

YES!

"It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and jelly with a baseball bat."

 

I dont think im in the mood...

Watch the clip here:

http://www.devilducky.com/media/38524/

 

Peter Griffin Hey, kids. I'm Santa Claus.
Peter Griffin Just practicing for Christmas.
Baby 1 But you're white.
Baby 1 Jack and Sarah told me Santa is Indian.
Baby 3 Don't be stupid! Santa is black!
Baby 2 Santa can't be black. We do not fear him.
baby 4 CHINESE GIRL: Cram it, Gandhi! Santa is Asian.
baby 5 How can he be Asian?
baby 5 Santa doesn't drive his sled 20 miles under the speed limit with his blinker on!
baby 5 Go back to your rice paddy, Mulan!

 

who wants to play: "lets drink what's under the sink"?



feel free to say no, but would you shave my coin purse?

 

" I have a plan so good, it's retarded!"

 

LOL I love these clips: http://www.devilducky.com/media/38161/
http://www.devilducky.com/media/37934/

 

peter: "Lois, this isn't my batman cup"

black weather man from helicopter:"Everybody looks like ants!"

black weather man:" It's rainin' sideways!"

 

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1138993460/Family_Guy_Gimme_My_Money_

 

I've been looking for that clip ever since it aired. It's great!

 

Lois Griffin: Peter, why would they make you president?
Peter Griffin: Probably because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second....YAP!
Lois Griffin: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.


and pretty much anything with diane and tom tucker.
Diane Simmons: Our top story tonight, I have been cast as the lead in the Quahog Players' production of The King And I.
Tom Tucker: In other news, I wont be going to the play because I'm sure it will be lousy.
Diane Simmons: This just in: Tom, you're such a closet case.
Tom Tucker: We now go live to Diane being a *****. Diane?