The Family Guy Quotes thread

You know, he wasnt always an evil monkey...

"Honey Im home."

Goes upstairs and finds wife with other monkey.

random monkey noises and then...

the point!
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Haha Mine remains the NRA tv add.
Remember, guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do.

And lets not forget...

Why dont you make like siamese twins and split...
...and then one of you die.
(When I heard these I was like OMG I CANT BELIEVE THEY SAID THAT!)

 

Split complete.

 

I clicked and saw when stewie got fat, OMG that was a riot!

Damn you ice cream get in my mouth!

(lady walks by and gives werid look)

What are you looking at you infantile...stupid. You can go burn in hell and such. *yawns* and then falls asleep, droping the ice cream on his chest.

LOL

 

I already have them (bought them first day each came out).

I used to watch at least 3 episodes a day...regardless to say, I have just about mesmerized them all.

 

Anyone know any definitive answer on new episodes coming out. I'm having trouble getting a for-sure.

Thanks!

 

Yes, they are for fall 05 on Fox.

 

Peters is at some drug camp and he is trying to give a false name to a person who works there and in a effort to think fast he looks around the room for stuff to use a fake name.
The first thing he sees is pea on someones spoon so he goes "Pea"
Then he sees someone crying so he goes "Tear"
And then all of a sudden a Griffin goes flying by the camera and he goes "Griffin, Peter Griffin, ahh crap."
FUnny stuff.

 

Hmm....in the Y2K episode, the chicken dude is trying to talk to peter and peter says "maybe some other time" or something like that, and the chicken dude says "there wont be another time! the world will end at midnight tonight, havn't you heard? Y2K!" then peter looks at him and sais "Wait a minute...are you selling chicken or sex jelly...."...
Dunno why I laughed so hard at that one....probably cause i was watching it at like 3 in the morning and my parents were in the room over, and I didn't want to wake them up but the more I tried to control my laughter, the louder I laughed....that and then this one in the european road show episode....
p: Yo Lois...
l: what
p: uh i'm packing for Kiss-stock and I cant find my favorite underwear...
l: ya mean the pair with the rip in the right buttcheek from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the trots?
p: no, no, the pair with the hole in the left buttcheek from when i held it in for 2 hours cause it was an extra long palm sunday church sermon and i thought blowing gas would offend jesus so i let it go in the vestibule after mass and it sounded like louie armstrong....
l: oh, bottom drawer....

I cant tell you how many times i've nearly died watching that part of that episode....lol

 

"Hey man, your clock won't flush?!?!"

 

A few of my favs:


"What do you want me to do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy?"

"Because if it's got Greg Kinnear in it, you might as well go ahead and whack me off right now!"



"Peter, Bryant and Greg Gumble are brothers."

"Oh, real nice Lois, so just because they're black we can't learn anything from them?"



"Did you just say 'big meet'?"

 

"Now if I could just find a midget with some gin..." -Brian

 

Lois Griffin: Peter. You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?

Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England

Peter Griffin: Now, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.

Peter Griffin: I'm looking for some toilet training books.
Salesman: We have the popular 'everybody poops", or the less popular 'nobody poops but you'.
Peter Griffin: Well, you see, we're catholic...
Salesman: Ah, then you'll want 'you're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'.

Chris Griffin: Yo, did y'all check me when that hottie was all up in my Kool-Aid? Yeah, I was looking to break off a little somethin' somethin' but my crew gave me the 411 on that skank and she's all about the bling-bling.

Newsanchor Diane: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.

Stewie Griffin: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total b!tch.

Peter Griffin: At least they don't put their feminine ointments next to the mustard, Lois. That was the worst hot dog I ever ate.

Peter Griffin: It looks like Carol's blowing a bubble.
Lois Griffin: That's the head. Carol, push. Push.
Peter Griffin: I am. It won't go back in.




The list goes on... you might as well cut and paste entire scripts.

 

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Scott, nice!

More:
*Father and son looking at whales*
Chris: Dad, whats the blowhole for?
Peter: Well I will tell you what its not for son, and when I do, you will know why I can never go back to Sea World again.

 

The "Its gon' rain!" part is a classic.
Episode 309- Mr.Saturday Knight
Newsman: Welcome back to Quahog 5 News, and heres Ali Williams with the Wacky Weather Forecast. Ali-
Ali: ITS GON' RAIN
Newsman: Thanks, Ali

Louis: (to Margo Kitter (sp?)) Ah, we loved you in the Superman movies, you were just wonderful!
(Kitter starts screaming, throws a chair against the wall, overturns te dinner table, and jumps through the dining room window)(freaking hilarious scene)

Episode 111- Holy Crap
Grandpa Griffin: (Speaking about Grandma Griffin) Aye, shes a rose. Pity you couldnt find yourself a nice irish catholic girl, Peter.
Louis: (laughing) Francis, this must be embarrasing for you, IM IN THE CAR.

Peter : Oh, yes, we, we all enjoy the Bible in this house.
Francis Griffin: Really? Whats your favorite book of the Bible?
Peter: Ahh, uhhh, uh, the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.

Episode -Lethal Weapons
Peter: Dont worry, I got an idea.
An idea so smart my head would explode if I even was to begin to understand what I was talking about.

Episode -Lets go to the Hop
Chris: Maybe its megs toad?
Louis: Now, Chris, dont try and pawn this off on your sister, shes a good girl
Chris: Oh yeah? Well, what about the time she stangled our other sister?
Louis: Now Chris, we told you that was just a very bad dream.
Chris: But, I remember it so clear-
Louis and Peter, in loud, sudden voices: IT WAS A DREAM!

 

DAMN, my minds a blank i know every episode like the back off my @ss, but im drawing a blank,

one of my favourites would be:

-peter going to chris' room to talk about porn, hears a 'whacking sound'

chris " just a minute dont come in"

- whacking continues

- peter opens the door to find chris playing with a ball paddle thing

- peter gives chris a stack of porn then leaves

- as soon as peter closes the door the sound returns, but peter looks down and sees the paddle in his hand,

Hilarious!

 

The episodes that there are allot of Stewie in it are the funniest.

Oh ya, has anyone heard the rumors that they will be making a movie? I hear that Stewie finds out he is gay or something LOL!

 

LOLOL!!!!