Post your favorite 'Little Johny' Joke

This is a favorite:

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered:
"An apple."
"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.
"Is it a peach?"
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically.
The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.
"A banana," she says.
"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like the way your thinking!"

 

The teacher says to little Johnny: "Please spell the word 'urinate' and use it in a sentence."

Little Johnny stands up proudly and says " U-R-I-N-A-T-E. Urinate."

The teacher smiles and says "Good job with the spelling, Johnny, but I want you to use the word in a sentence, not just by itself."

Johnny thought for a second and said "Okay, urinate. If you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."

 

Great minds........

 

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'

"What's the fuXXing difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

 

Little Johnny goes Trick-or-treating, and dresses up as a pirate.

Rings the bell, and a Lady answers. "ohhh, so you're a pirate. Where are your buccaneers?"

"Under my bucking hat, lady!"

 

Johnny comes home from school and excitedly asks him Mum to show him a trick.

Johnny's Mum tells him she's busy and that he should go upstairs and ask his Dad.

Johnny rushes upstairs and exciteldly asks his Dad to show him a trick. Johnny's Dad says "p*ss off Johnny, I'm busy...go up to the attic and ask your Granddad...."

Johnny runs up to the attic and asks his Granddad to show him a trick.....

After a moments contemplations, the Granddad say's "OK then....Johnny, pull your pants down and bend over, knees straigh, and touch your toes"

Obediantly, Johnny does so.

Granddad then stands behind Johnny, and ask "Johnny, can you feel my thumb up your ar5e?"

Johnny relies "yeah, I can feel it"

Granddad leans forward showing Johnny both his thums and declairs "look, NO THUMBS!!!"

 

A teacher in a primary school was teaching her children about sentences, and how to use particular words in them. One day she asked the children "Now, who can give me a sentence with the word "Contagious" in it?"

A little girl puts up her hand and says "When you have chickenpox, they are contagious"

"Very good" said the teacher "Who else can give me an example"

Mary puts up her hand and says "Measles are very contagious"

"Well done" said the teacher "who else can give me an example?"

Little Johnny puts up his hand and says "Me and my Dad was walking down the road, and we seen this guy painting his fence with a toothbrush, and my Dad says "Man, thats gonna take that contagious"

 

The teacher asked the 4th grade class to define “indefinitely”. Immediately, hands shot up, including Johnnie’s. No fool, the teacher did not want to call on Johnnie, so she called on Mary instead.

Teacher: Mary, can you make a sentence with the word “indefinitely”?

Mary: “ Because of snow, the school bus will be delayed indefinitely.”

Teacher: “Very nice Mary, anyone else?”

Only two hands now, Suzie’s and Johnnie’s.

Teacher: “OK, Suzie, can you make a sentence with indefinitely?”

Suzie: “ Because of flood waters the school was closed indefinitely”

Teacher: “ Suzie, that’s much too close to Mary’s sentence, any one else?”

Only one hand is up, and that hand is connected to Johnnie.

Reluctantly, the Teacher calls on Johnnie.

Teacher: “ Alright Johnnie, I want a sentence that is very different than the last two.”

Johnnie, rising to the occasion: “As my b*lls slapped against Suzie’s @ss, I knew I was in…. Definitely.”

 

My favorite...

Little Johnnie shows up late for school one day and the teacher asks why.

Johnnie answers "My damn dog got out of the yard this morning, ran into the street and this car hit him right in the ass"

The now blushing teacher says "Johnnie you mean rectum?"

Johnnie answers "wrecked him hell, it damn near killed him."