Please Don't Spoil Your Kids

I agree that in most instances providing for every whim of your child can be more damaging in the long term than beneficial.

Although I didn't receive a hugely affluent upbringing I was certainly not hard done by, and had I chosen I'm sure my parents would have provided me with pretty much everything I could ever ask for. Despite this I took it upon myself to get a job in a supermarket at age 15, something which I didn't have to do but wanted to do. From that day forward I paid my parents board; again not because they asked for it, but because I wanted to. I still remember my grandfather telling me how proud he was that I decided not to take the easy route and take free handouts, even though my 3 elder siblings had I was not expected to be any different.

Fast forward 25 years and I can say that everything I have today is through my own hard work, dedication and persistence; and trust me it makes it all that much more satisfying.

I can also say that like my grandfather, my 15 year old son has made me proud in that he now works at McDonalds 3 days a week; I never asked him to and he never discussed it with me, he just announced to me one day that he had applied and got the job. The only difference between us being that if his studies suffer, I'll pay him not to work! I don't think that makes me a bad parent though; priorites are just different today.

 

Well Matt, I'm a 22 year old first year university student and I completely agree with you. I truly detest kids who act all high and mighty just because their parents are rich, even though they haven't actually achieved anything in life. To take it a step further, even if someone has achieved a truly astounding level of success by himself, I see no reason or right for him to be arrogant and to look down on others; it's not like being rich makes one "superior" to others in every manner.

However, I will endeavor to present an alternative point of view. I come from a relatively affluent family, my first car was an SL350 and I have since taken to using my dad's 599 as a daily driver when I'm back in my home country. I don't feel "superior" to others in any way, instead, I have taken the opportunity to share the experience of driving and sitting in a Ferrari with as many people as I can, starting with all my friends and random enthusiasts I've met. Furthermore, I have been motivated to work extremely hard in school and have even decided take up a part time job because I want to own these cars in the future. My parents worry that they are spoiling me, and perhaps they are, but I do not take their generosity for granted and I fully intend to pay them back when I start making my own money.

The point is, instead of criticizing these rich kids you've met just because of what you see on the surface, perhaps you should get to know them better and ask them how they really feel about the gifts they've been blessed with. You might not expect this, but perhaps deep down inside, they might actually worry about whether they'd be able to achieve the same level of success that their parents.

 

I'm canceling the Lambo order for my 16 year old today.

 

You are such a bad Father

 

Good choice! Gonna buy a Ferrari instead?

 

I wonder how the economy is impacting these people.

 

One of our local families had a great quote.

The kid said, "why not, we're rich"
The dad says, "but you're not"

 

I didn't have an expensive car, or anything when I grew up. My parents were amazing, gave me whatever they could. Also with my hard work, I got the rest of it. But my kids will have the cars everyone envies. I will likely spoil them for whatever they want.

 

The parents that spoil do it for selfish reasons i.e guilt, want to give what they couldn't have, status etc. They don't realize it does the kid a disservice because they lose touch of what it takes to make it in the real world. Spoil now and you pay later.

 

:'(

 

You will find in life that it is impossible to achive a truly astounding level of success completely by yourself. There are ALWAYS people that help you (be it mentors, partners, family, etc), you never get to the top by yourself. Anyone that tells you otherwise isn't being honest about how they got to where they are.

I too grew up in a reasonably affluent suburb, although we were probably below the median family income for that area. Ironically most of the kids that I graduated with couldn't then afford to live in the same area and had to move to "lesser areas" in the city. It is pretty sad when you see a person with a wwaayy lower standard of living at 30 than they had at 17.

 

Matt

For being 20 years old, you possess more maturity that many twice your age. Too many young people simply do not have a clue as to what is in store for them when the gravy train stops. For your topic, you are spot-on, as it's those kids that will be in for the rudest awakening when they have to roll up their sleeves and actually work for a living!

 

heard a similar conversation earlier today.....my reaction was "ouch....that hurts"

 

I grew up in a pretty affluent area. No one I know got a Porsche or Ferrari for their 16th birthday, but they WERE getting $21,000 cheques for their 21st birthdays, condos, and stuff like that. I used to be super jealous of these people, but I've come to realize that they've never worked a day in their life and sooner or later, it will come to bite them in the ass. Growing up, I got whatever I wanted. It ruined me. I had poor work ethic, didn't try hard in college thinking that the hand-outs would continue, etc. Should I decide to have children, they will not get a free pass.. not a chance. I have no problems rewarding good behavior, but there's no substitution for hard work. NONE.

 

I was never spoiled growing up, but I went to the priciest snottiest private school in the city. I've never met a bigger bunch of *******s in my entire life. Then my parents had to spend more money by sending me to therapists to try to undo some of the damage going to that school and encountering those *****es did to me. No, they weren't all bad, but a lot of them were just horrible.

I honestly believe that one way to tell the true character of a person is for him/her to come into some money/success. If you see a well-off person who still treats the guy who picks up the garbage, the valet kid, the person working at McDonald's, or any other person not so high on the totem pole with respect, then I think that is evidence that this person is truly a decent human being. I think that some of the kids I went to school with just were never taught to be kind to other people.

 

I think there are numerous versions of the "spoiled rich kid" and I think universally among that crowd the vast majority have been neutered in some way by their parents. There are the exceptions where the generosity of the parents have allowed them to pursue goals, dreams, and a better way of life without turning him into a spoiled overspending adult...but the vast majority that I run into are weak emotionally and can't deal with the stress of a cut throat society when their parent's backing ceases to exist.

Fine by me...makes my value as a hard working, driven individual go up. I'm sure there are exceptions but these spoiled rich kids just don't survive well in the world and are plagued with insecurity and inferiority complexes that are difficult to hide.

 

If you cant spoil your kids who can you spoil? when my Daughter turned 17 i bought her first car for her, now i must add that my Daughter is in her third year of a seven year college/university course to become a qualified vet and as such does not have an income of her own, i am so proud of what she is achieving that i will give her anything she wants but she does not ask for much so that is a relief

 

This thread rings partially true with me. My father is a physician and I grew up in a nice home with nice cars, clothes etc. Nothing like the kids the OP was talking about but nice nonetheless. In high school I was in the "popular" sports group and over the 4 years my head started to grow as those around me kissed my a** because of my fathers, not my, background. My father not being home very often was still very keen on what was taking place. One day he asked me to bring him all of "my" money and place it on the kitchen table. I believe I showed up with about 6 bucks and change. He then led me around the house showing me "his" things and stated "see these clothes, house, cars, etc.. they are mine not yours. I worked my butt off to obtain this stuff. It is not yours so stop walking around this planet like your s**t doesn't stink.

He then informed me that I was to start a job, any job, the day after graduation and I would have to pay for all of my expenses as I needed to learn the value of a dollar. If i worked one second less then 40 hours in a week without his permission I would not go to college. I did what he asked and it was the best thing he could have done for me. I am now frugal, not cheap, and am trying to instill this in my children. I thank him every so often for doing this.

 

Has anyone ever seen The Real Housewives of Orange County on Bravo? My wife watches it, and I have watched enough bits to know the people on the show. All of the kids I've seen of the housewives need military school and/or a good whoopin'. I saw this one jackoff who plays minor league baseball talk to his mom like she was a dog (apparently his dad was a pro pitcher). This other girl in high school is so spoiled, he parents told her to get a job to pay for the gas in her BMW, you would have thought she had been sold into slavery by her comments.

Hopefully this is all played up for the camera. Otherwise these kids are set for a miserable life.

 

Nothing is as bad as My Sweet 16 on MTV.

 

it's not necessarily the rich kids only. I have met many fine rich kids through my kid's schools and my work and some of them are the best people i have met. on the other hand, i've seen some pretty *****ey poor people that think their **** doesn't stink. I guess the moral of my story is there are plenty of *******s to go around. I think the real problem is spoiling kids when they don't deserve it. And, of course no discipline. So i will continue to spoil my kids. That is why i'm out here killing myself. I already have everything i need.

 

I get so pissed off when I see people talking to others as you mentioned like they didn't have any feelings. One of my friends tends to talk rudely to waiters/waitresses. I can't tell you how many times over the years we yell at him everytime he does it, and he still does. He's gotten better, but still talks down to them. He didn't come from a rich family, just a dad that busted his ass to provide for his family. If I told you some of things my friends said/done you'd be amazed.

I'm an only child so I've always gotten more than I deserve, but certainly not everything I wanted. I was brought up to appreciate, respect, and understand all aspects of money, people and things. I've always been the person that hates talking about what I have, and others knowing what I have. I think a lot of it has to do with that I may have been a miracle child. While I'm not 100% sure, I think my parents didn't have a high percentage of having a kid, and when I was born it was rather surreal for them.

I still remember when I got my truck for high school graduation (1 year before I graduated) I was awe-struck for at least a week. We'd go to car shows and whatnot and people would ask what I drive. I always said, a Silverado. Then my friends would throw out it has this and this and this on it. They always asked why I never said what was done to it. I just said, they didn't ask.

One thing about that truck my dad told me years later was that it brought him a lot of joy. I never really understood that, but I assume it's something you won't unless you're a parent. To this day my mom still give me money and a card for Valentines Day and Easter. I tell her not to every year, but she still does. Stubborn lady.

 

I have experience here as well. My parents do well, and as a result have spoiled all 4 of their kids. Of all the kids, I am the only one who has work ethic. I have worked nearly every day of my life since 14yo. Started off making $4.25/hr at 14. Worked my way up, working fulltime all through college, and now 3 years after college I am doing quite well for myself... enough to have a house and Ferrari at 25. Landed a great job though business contacts that I established all on my own. No parental assistance needed.


My 3 other siblings...

1) 26yo sister, just finishing college after 8 years, never had a "real" job and is currently not working. Can't get hired because she has NO experience in anything. Getting married in June.

2) 21yo sister, finishing college now, but has never had a real job. Best of luck to her!!

3) 18yo brother, in college, never had a real job. No work ethic or experience. He is, however, a National Champion Diver (2006, 2008). I don't see him diving his way into $$millions though.

So in summary, I completely agree. I fear for my family and those I grew up with. They will not know what to do when mom and dad are NLA.

 

I was just thinking about this topic today. I go to an expensive private college that is in my hometown and the majority of students there like to show off how much of daddy's money they can spend. In my one class, out of 19 of us, 3 were going home for spring break, 1 was going on a Habitat for Humanity trip, and the other 15 were going to the beach or on a cruise with friends. If you aren't wearing designer clothes you are out of place, I walk in after doing an oil change on my car.

I have been fortunate in my life, but I don't ask for much from anyone. In high school, my parents decided that the 10 year old family pick up wasn't good enough for me to drive to school and bought a new truck, which everyone instantly assumed was mine. I was stuck with being asked for money and rides while never getting offered gas money because I didn't need it. My first job that summer was as a dishwasher, but my mom quit it for me because I wasn't getting home early enough for her to go to bed. The next summer I was told to not even look for a job if I couldn't guarantee I would be home by 10.

When I graduated I was told I could get a car from the money my grandparents had set aside for a college education for all the grandkids when they sold their business. I wanted to get a used car, I was told it had to be new and when I wanted something small and cheap was told they were not safe enough. Ended up with a new $22,000 car. Once again I heard about the new car from all my high school buddies. I can't wait to get out of college and move away.

My sister who is a year behind me goes to a cheaper college but was still given a $26000 car. She and her friends can tell you what the celebrities are up to, but don't ask them what is going on in the world. Anything they want they charge to their parents credit card. They are the winiest group of people who act like the world is collapsing if they don't get their way. I don't see much promise for a large group in my generation.