Marriage without kids.... anyone want?

+1

I was 42 when we had our first child and I am so glad we did that! Although pushing the age envelope, it is more accepted now and being a parent makes you young at heart. It is a relief really; I would have regretted not having kids and I was a nay sayer throughout my 30’s.

At the end of the day you must ask yourself, what will my legacy be? A parking lot full of Ferrari’s does not a legacy make, but the plebian in us says otherwise.

To each his own, but I know that I have accomplished something meaningful now. When we are nearly gone and awaiting last wishes, it is the love of family that counts. Nothing else really matters.

I don’t know for sure yet, but the only thing better than buying a Ferrari is showing your Ferrari to your kid!

 

I've heard the legacy statement many times. How does having kids leave a legacy? Could that be argued as selfish?

 

Mike, we may not agree on much in the F1 section but I'm with you 100% on this one. I know plenty of people that should not have had kids.

 

Mike, your attitude is rather selfish...but it is totally OK to be selfish on this matter. You need to decide what is best for you. Provided your partner is on board with your plans as it would not be cool to bring her into a relationship (marriage or otherwise) unless she knows your intentions.

 

The vicarious experiences you get through your children are a true joy...like no other...

 

Pick them up in school in it. That's even better!

 

I think it's time for you to get pregnant and become a housewife, Mike.

 

Totally agree. It's just a thinly veiled way to make them feel better about their choices by criticizing the choices of someone else. By the same token, I don't think those of us in the no kids camp should blindly criticize those who choose to have kids.

If they want to play the selfish card, isn't it selfish to produce copies of yourselves (because you're so great) and have your own kids (because who cares about the huge number of children from other people who need adoption), potentially use them as bargaining chips in a divorce (because they're your property) and so on.

If you're so selfless by giving the world your amazing kids (who will definitely mature to be exceptionally productive and valuable assets to society....right?), why stop there? Quit your job and be a full time volunteer. Join the army reserves. Donate as much money as you possibly can to charities on a regular basis.

Just because one does something 'not selfless' doesn't make them inherently selfish (providing you interpret 'selfish' in the negative sense of the word and providing you don't subscribe to the various philosophies that explain or praise selfishness).

 

I havent read all the post but i feel alot better about my decision to not have kids from the post i've read. I love my nephews and i love taking them back to my sister

Having a child isn't selfless it's selfish. Most want a vestige of them or someone to take care of them when their older, or something to carry on THEIR genetics.


*goes back to reading post*

 

Most insightful post IMO.

Nails it:

For some reason, they seem threatened by those who choose not to burden themselves with offspring. For them, there is only the One True Path -- birth, school, marriage, kids, catering to the kids, decrepitude, death. Anyone who strays from this path is a heretic.

 

People seem threatened or jealous of what they want/can't have:

If you're wealthy and work hard, you're greedy or that they could of been wealthy, but they were selfless and thought it was a wasteful life.

They buy something or got the upscale lifestyle (McMansion and leased luxury cars), but you don't. They feel the need to be causal about it, but "mention" it. You don't have those things (not that can't afford them). They go belly up, then they get mad at you for spending your money.

The ego of a lot of parents how their kids are perfect. He needs to start on the football team. Why did she get a D on the test? You gave a bad test!

How is she with "him"? She's much prettier. She must be after his money.

 

I didn't really mean to use the word selfish in a bad way. I don't get why selfish and greedy are viewed in a derogatory way.

There are times when I am rather selfish...it keeps me sane.

 

I have been struggling with this one for years. I'm 29 now, and felt even at the age of 20 that I never wanted kids. I told myself to wait until I was 30 to get a vasectomy. After reading this thread for the past ten minutes, I realize I probably should have done it a few years ago. I'm just not going to change on this matter. Actually googling clinics right now and am thinking I want this done next week if at all possible.

However, I find it very interesting that this debate has continued for so long. Glad that it has not seemed to get out of hand, even over the course of three years. But ultimately it can simply be summed up as a personal choice. I don't feel there is a right or wrong answer at all. Congrats to all the wonderful parents out there. Congrats to those who are snipped, clipped, tied or whatever and enjoy your life as well.

 

Get the NEEDLELESS VASECTOMY........I had it done 2 years ago........GOOGLE the procedure, not much different, except for the method in which they freeze your, well, you know what.

Otherwise, if you don't, it is like going to the dentist you know where.........

 

I have no desire to have kids and neither does my wife. We are in our late thirtys (her) early fortys (me), have an incredible life and are good uncle/aunt/friend to our family and friends children. Granted my lifestyle is not stable enough for kids in that I teach BASE jumping, skydiving and climb a bit in the Himalayas and would hate to orphan a child. When I was in my twentys and married to another girl I did get a lot of pressure to have kids, settle down and live a more conservative life. That life would have not worked for me and I am so happy that I got out of that relationship and found someone who shared my life-view. To each his own but your should listen to your heart on this decision.

 

my brother in his early forties has no desire for children, and whilst his wife was away on a course had a vasectomy. he has a big social life and can always see mine whenever he wants,and she still has no idea he had it done. I have quite a few friends that are only married till the children leave home, and very unhappy but want the best for their children and not be a weekend dad.

 

Might want to check out the divorce thread in the Silver Private section.

 

...and 3 years after that comment PAP is getting married

Soon enough we'll have a bunch of little Papsters

 

if he breeds like he posts...they'll be everywhere!!!

 

Can't see any downside to that - Pap & Nicole will make great parents!!

 

...and if they'll inherit their dad's posting abilities, Fchat's servers will explode

 

More money for Rob!

 

I'm 36 years old and have never wanted children. When I was married there was immense pressure from "well meaning" breeders that were my friends and family members. They all thought I would change my mind and I never have! Even recruitment agents didn't believe me when I applied for jobs - still most of them are women in their 20's or 30's.

I enjoy surfing and driving my two-seater sports car too much. I guess two neatly folded children might fit in the boot of my Toyota MR2...lol, but not for me. Now that I'm single, the pressure from other people is gone