even more....CHUCK NORRIS FACTS!

Facts about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat
on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW
DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he
bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he
realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone
within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing
for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all
three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse
every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on
their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane."

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips
from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show
clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the ****** when she didn't give him
exact change.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact
tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people
just to prove he isn't a racist.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the
director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck
Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the Force: the
light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse
kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the
scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a
baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon
impact.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined
for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonalds because it
was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for
this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from
outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before they could tell him there was a stripper in it.

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that
his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the
hooker in Total Recall.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know
who would win? Chuck Norris.

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced
Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him
win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a
get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green number 4 card from the game Uno.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and
roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't
be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your
hat.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost
his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by
its technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus
of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3
minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans,
and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred
when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to
kittens and roundhouse kick them.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put
razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his"
way.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time; if you go to his house you won't
find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late
he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

More About Mr. Norris:

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in
peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down!

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the
third girl he had slept with.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
pushing the Earth down