Chuck Norris facts. They were emailed to me and no I didn't search first.

Some of the Best....


Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW
DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he
bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he
realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone
within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane."

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for
this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from
outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him
win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a
get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green number 4 card from the game Uno.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost
his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by
its technical term: Jupiter.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in
peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

 

oh man you put one up that gets me...everytime...

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of him.

 

I had to bump this for this special find...
Follow this Step by Step:
1. www.google.com
2. Type in: Find Chuck Norris
3. Click I'm Feeling Lucky, not Search
4. Enjoy!

 

ha! nice

do the same with the phrase "total failure"

 

Somehow I knew that was coming