Invited by next door neighbor to sons Bar Mitzvah. Will not be attending as have plans out of town allready. So looking to give a check of ____? Ive googled this and saw that gifts in increments of $18 might be customary. That said have no clue on amount. I ask here because i realize there is a big diffrence in what is considered the norm for weddings on a national level. Thanks, Dave
When I had my Bar Mitzvah (13 years ago), most of my parents' friends who gave checks gave anywhere from $100-$250. Some REALLY generous people gave as much as $5,000! I don't know where the increments of $18 came from though.
i must go 50 bar mitzvahs a year. and this is how i do it. if its a close friend i will give between $250 & $500, if its just someone who i know but not close i give $50. and sometimes $18. The $18 came from the meaning of life. its all about what you are comfortable with. i have seen crazy gifts from people you wouldn't expect and one friend who is supper wealthy gave a kid a gift card at star-bucks for $10. if you want to make an impression then bigger if you dont care then smaller.
You're right-increments of $18 is how you usually give money but its not required. How much you give depends on how close you are to the family and/or how well you know the kid. At my Bar Mitzvah years ago the checks varied. Some of my dad's clients gave me a lot of money even though I barely knew them or didn't know them at all.
I would think that on a Ferrari web site we'd have people that have some modicum of success and sophistication, but wrong at least by this thread. People are correct with the $18 number, that's derived from "Chai" which is the letter that signifies "life" in the Hebrew language. It has been traditional to give a multiple of that amount in many instances. I would tell you that over 10 years ago at my daughter's Bat Mitzvah, only a couple of her friends, who were not Jewish had brought checks in that amount. Family of course you do what you feel is correct, close friends, in my opinion it depends on the type of event, if it's just your child invited, vs your child you and your spouse, what the venue is, etc. I have given as little as $200 and as much as $400 (non family), plus in some instances, I've had to fly, rent a car and a hotel room, so the cost is significantly higher. To give a gift of $18 is just wrong
If it's not someone I'm close with (ie: informal invite from a neighbor) and not attending the 'affair', I would give $180. Can't go wrong...
I've always thought a gift is a gift, and not to be thought that one is in 'competition' with others when it comes to an amount. I don't think it is proper for a recipient of a gift to have an expectation of a minimum amount. I was brought up to be happy and graciously appreciative of any gift (financial or otherwise) ever given to me, no matter how big nor how small and no matter the occasion. Give what YOU feel is proper for the circumstances, and if the recipient sees it is an increment of $18, they will know you went to 'special' effort to make it a meaningful and thoughtful gift. I would think a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a time for celebration. Not a time for assessing the financial value of gifts. Just my $0.18
I agree. Gift is just that - Gift. But for some reason it has lost its meaning... And it's not only Bar Mitzvahs that suffer from it. Christmas, New Years, Birthdays, Valentine's day, etc..etc.. Giving a gift is not about the great feeling of giving and showing attention anymore, it's about trying not to look cheap and fulfilling expectations.
There is not great magic in giving in increments of $18, other than it is supposed to bring good luck. Yes, derived from the Hebraic numeral value of Chai and all that good stuff. But the real issue is how close are you with these neighbors and their son? If they only invited you because you live next door but you otherwise have no relationship with them, give what you think is appropriate. If you socialize with them a lot, they are good friends, you hang out together, help each other out a lot, or your kids are close friends, etc., be generous. Alternatively, give the kid something he's probably really appreciate (since all the cash is going right into a bank account anyway), like a really cool 1:18 or bigger model of a Ferrari. Or, depending on price, two of them, an old model (330, 308, 328) and a new model (360,430, etc.). The money he'll forget in 10 minutes. The Ferrari model will sit on his shelf and he'll look at it every day. And if you have a Ferrari, include a "gift certificate" for a ride in yours (assuming his Dad doesn't have one too). Believe me, that's the gift he'll end up talking about and remembering more than any of the cash.
Avg. i would say is between $30 and $50. Depends on how well you know him. I was SMILING after my Bar Mitzvah, $9K is a lot to a 13 year old and I was one of the lucky few to get to keep it and not have my parents take it to pay off the party! Ughhh! I'm getting so old, it will be a decade on April 4th since that day.
This discussion is making me feel like a bad Jew! I and my three siblings were raised conservative and between our bar and batmitvahs and those of countless friends and now relatives, and I've never received one or heard of the significance of an $18 gift (or multiples thereof). Anyway, Faster nailed it right there - this kid'll burn a $100 gift on an RC car or paintball gun (ask me how I know ) and a spirited ride in a Ferrari will be exponentially more impactful/memorable than a monetary gift. Good call Faster!
Ferrari 0324 you crack me up. I didn't see a penny after my Bar Mitzvah but i guess my parents have done enough for me over the years. It's nice to see that I am not the only lansman here. I am originally from NY but I now live in the bible belt. It is unfortunate because I am never around any other Jewish people and I have never dated any Jewish women. 18 is a lucky number I know that much and I know people go crazy on weddings and Bar Mitzvahs up north. Charlotte, NC is a lot more conservative. I need to move back to NY and become a Jdate whore(lol). It's tough to be in the south when you don't believe in JC.
Second that one. Sadly society has got money on the mind than the real message which is to come across. I will never understand why people will invite hundreds of people that their kids barely know just to get money from them. I mean, how many have you guys been to where you barely know the people you are going to see (friend of a friend, neighbor who barely talks to you, etc.)
Haha I knew that would happen with me, so I wound up taking the cash out of like half of them (young and stupid) they asked me where did it all go, I was like umm they must not have given any present/money?! Well yea the truth eventually came out when I was wearing new sneakers , buying new games and so on! What a long time ago wow.
If its money I think $180 is a really nice genrous gift. Otherwise buy something a kid would like. Usualy if its a casual neighbourhood invite or if my kids are invited to such an event of a classmate there is a school rule of not more than $50. Some people see the whole thing as a competitive event with parents easily spending 100k on the event. Others see it for its true meaning. Watch the movie keeping up with the Steins, its funny and will give you a good idea of the event and meaning. Myself if its neighbourhood freinds I give a cheque of 180, if its close family I give 360.
This thread is making me and my wife laugh our asses off LOL and yes keeping up with the steins is perfect. I make my son who will be 10 watch it all the time i just did a bat mitzvah(girl) and now my wife said we have to start the bar mitzvah LOL. and for the party i just had i only did kids and close friends( who i talk to) i had 500 kids. my wife said we will have 1500 people at my sons. i said i am going to put a card in the invite for suggested gifts even if you cant attend(just kidding) but we got an average $75.00 for my girl. its all relative to what you feel comfortable with the thought is what counts not the amount.
My cousin is a prominent LA OB/GYN who's son's BM was at the end of a summer full of BMs and the kids were getting BM'd out (happens to me when I get ahold of some Tom Yum Goong soup :0 ). So they felt an over-the-top party was in order. And I guess it's something of a 'Steins' thing too. It was retarded - but very well done and a lot of fun - with a fancy rock-star-like introduction on stage complete with smoke and lasers, party-starting dancers running around, his name on the Marquis outside the theater, a two-chef sushi bar from which I never strayed 10'....it was madness.
