And I rubbed me eyes and scratched me nuts and staggered down the stairs to greet the day. Yep Kev's the man.
A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bushland in northern NSW . There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big gum. As she neared the top she encountered a koala bear that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, vegetarian, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, Native Vegetation, Parks and Wildlife service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility. ........ And ... I'm sorry, they turned you down.
Brad was upset Brad lives in Melbourne (Explains a LOT)........he was sick of the World, of Covid-19, those who hate China, global warming, species extinction, racial tension and all the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy the media headlines. Brad drove his car into his garage at home, carefully sealed up around the windows and doorways of his garage, selected his favourite radio station and started his car to a slow idle. Two days later, his neighbour realising she had seen no sign of Brad for a while, peered through the garage window to see Brad at the wheel of his car Immediately she phoned emergency services. Police, firies and the ambulance arrived promptly. After pulling Brad from his car and giving him a sip of water, he seemed as good as gold. Brad drives a Tesla. It now has a flat battery. He also votes Green.
Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to Hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the Devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the Devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check. Finally Trump gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When finished, the Devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the Devil why Trump got to call the USA so cheaply. The Devil smiles and replies, "Since Biden took over, the country’s gone to hell, so it's a local call.
BANK BUSINESS An old lady headed to the bank to make a withdrawal. She handed her bank card to a bank cashier and said, “I would like to withdraw $10. The cashier told her, “For withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM.” The old lady wanted to know why. The cashier returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.” The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the cashier and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The cashier was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and told her, "You have $500,000 in your account and the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back tomorrow?" The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The cashier told her any amount up to $3,000. “Well, please let me have $3,000 now”. The cashier then angrily went back to the vault retrieved stacks of $20s and $10s and spent the next ten minutes counting out $3,000. “Is there anything else I can do for you today?” the teller asked sternly. The old lady put $10 in her purse and said, “yes, I’d like to deposit $2,990 into my account.” The moral of this tale: Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.
