Any good Ferrari Jokes?

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Ferrari to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man
said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Ferrari."

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's
underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in
principal, and $15.40 in interest", the loan officer said. The man
wrote out a check and started to walk away.

"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out
you are a CEO. Why in the world would you need to borrow
$5,000?"

The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Ferrari in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?

 

So - the Lone Ranger and Tonto drive up to the Ferrari shop for a major service.

The Lone Ranger tells the service manager, "I need a new timing belt".

The Service Manager says, "Sir, it will cost $10,000 and we'll have to pull your damn engine out to do it."

The Lone Ranger says, "It's OK, the injun will come out by himself if you ask him politely."

 

RacerX GTO that was bloody funny!

 

I foud this on a porsche sales website http://www.911virgin.com/index.htm and i thougth it was quite funny so i wanted to share it............



A woman decides to have a face-lift for her birthday. She spends £5000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about 29." the woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47." Now, she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a chemist on her way down the street, goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but, thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay,... how old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?" No", she says. He replies, "I was behind you in the line at McDonald's."

 

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck, she wanted a Ferrari. He would have even settled on a used truck but everything she wanted was way out of thier price range. "Look!" She said. " I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds or less. My birthday is coming up, you could surprise me!" For her birthday he bought her a brand new BATHROOM SCALE!

 

This joke only involves a Ferrari:

Tom, Sam and Mike are standing at the Pearly Gates. Before they can enter, St Peter tell them that they each must answer a question. The answer to the question will determine what vehicle they are given to get around heaven in.

St Peter asks Tom "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"

He replies "Well to be honest, I cheated on her 3 times." And St. Peter says "Thats not very good, but because you were honest I will give you this old Volkswagen Beetle." So Tom gets in his car and drives past the Pearly Gates and on into Heaven.

"Now," St Peter asks Sam, "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"

Sam responds, "I have only cheated on her once in all the 43 years of our marriage."

St Peter says, "That's very good, for that you shall have this new Ford Taurus."

Sam graciously accepts his new car and drives off into Heaven.

St Peter then asks Mike, "And what about you? How many times have you cheated on your wife?"

Mike looks up proudly to St Peter and tells him "I have been 100% faithful to my wife and have never cheated on her." St Peter was very impressed so he gave him a brand new Ferrari and off he went into Heaven.

A couple of weeks Tom and Sam saw Mike sitting in his brand new Ferrari crying, so they go over to him to find out why he's upset.

"Hey Mike, why are you upset?" Tom asks, "You have this brand New Ferarri, you shouldn't be crying."

Sam agrees, "I was given a Taurus and I'm happy, and Tom is happy with his Beetle, so why are you crying?"

Mike looks up at them and says, "The Ferrari is great, but as I was driving down the street, I looked over to my right and there I saw my wife."

"So what's wrong with that?" Tom asks.

"Well, here I am in this beautiful car because I was faithful, and my wife was riding on a skateboard."

 

A well repected evangelical preacher reaches Heaven's gates, and after routine ID check gets in. First thing he notices was how big the place is and that everyone gets open top cars to drive around! One is brought up to him at the curb and its a 360 Spyder. He gets in and checks out the vast roads of Heaven, soon noticing that the cars are all Ferraris and the majority are 360 Spyders [as ubiquitous as they are here on Earth!]
However, he soon notices a Duesenberg with a very distinguished looking Rabbi zipping past as phenomenal speed, nearly running him off the road. Finding his way back to the Gates he got out to relate the incident to St. Peter, who simply smiled and placed his hand on his shoulder, and quips:
"That's the BOSS' SON!"

 

A woman walks into a Ferrari dealership.

She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her.

Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

But, as she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.

"Good day, Madame, how may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?

He answers, "Madame, I'm afraid I can't say.... If you farted just touching it ... you're going to sh*t yourself when you hear the price."


And here's some more !

http://www.kethmer.dk/ferrari/fer-jokes/ferrari-jokes.htm

 

Yes the reserve price of 90% of them on ebay.

 

Nice ones guys!

 

An oldie but goodie
Whats the differance between a Porsche and a porcupine?
With a porcupine the pricks on the outside.

 

A man wanted to buy a new car so he bought a newspaper and looked in the classified section. He found an advertisement which said "New Ferrari for sale only $500!"

This is a very cheap price for a new Ferrari. He thought it may be a joke but he decided to investigate. He went to the house to see the car. A woman answered the door and she led him into the garage. There, in front of him was a new Ferrari."Wow!" the man said, "Can I take it for a test drive?"

"Yes you can," answered the lady. He got into the car and then drove it for 10 or 15 minutes. To his surprise he found that the car was perfect. When he returned to the lady's house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this
great Ferrari for only $500?"

Then the lady replied with a laugh, "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Ferrari and send me the money.' "

 

'whats going on here'
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the fire I had a few years back. joke was on me, laughed all the way to the garage.

 

Bored motorway cop is woken out of his dozing one sunday afternoon by a 360 spider flying past at 100mph plus. He immediately gives chase and is astounded to see the guy not only speeding, but doing so standing up in the seat, steering with his right foot, swigging from a half empty whiskey bottle and smoking a cigarette!

He pulls alongside and shouts at the guy:
"pull over"
"what?"
"PULL OVER!"
"Huh?"

"Look, you're gonna kill yourself acting like that!"

"nah, I only have 10 a day and only drink at the weekend!"


(sorry!)

 

Took my Ferrari to a specialist for some work recently...

When I asked for a quote he said "Ask not what your Ferrari can do for you, but what you can do for your Ferrari."

 

David Hobbs asked this question (and gave this answer) to an annual Porsche dinner I attended. It was a real hoot to see the various reactions of the Porschephiles. My brother (in his Viper) and I (in my Ferrari) invited ourselves because the speakers for the eveining were Hobbs and Matchett. The cost of the dinner and hotel banquet food were more than offset by this duo.

400iGuy

 

Here goes:

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.
On the last day of his trip he hooked a
monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.
The guide, holding a net, yelled,
"Look at the size of that Son of a *****!"

"Son, I'm a priest.
Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is-
a Son of a ***** fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this
Son of a *****!"

Once in the boat, they marveled
at the size of the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest
Son of a ***** I've ever seen."

"Yes, it is a big Son of a *****.
What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted
anything as good as Son of a *****!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.
While unloading his gear and his prize catch,
Sister Mary inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a ***** I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary,
"Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is-
a Son of a ***** fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with
that big Son of a *****?"

"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing
compares to the taste of a Son of a *****."

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new
Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and
that they should fix the Son of a ***** for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a *****", she said. As she
was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.

"What are you doing Sister?"
"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a ***** for the new
Bishops' dinner."

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset!
Please watch your language!"

"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a ***** fish."

"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go
with it, and that Son of a ***** can be the main course! Let me know
when you've finished
cleaning it."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was
perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal.
The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish,
where did you get it?"

"I caught that Son of a *****!" proclaimed the proud priest.
The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a *****!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a *****, using a
special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.
Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said, "You
****ers are my kind of people!"

 

This one's funny to some, but not to all, but it's a joke I found anyway:

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a Ferrari F50. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world, and it costs around $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"

The young man replies "A Ferrari F50. They cost $500,000."

"That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to over 300 kilometers an hour!" states the young man proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure," replies the owner.

So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"

Just then, the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds, the speedometer reads 200 kph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, (whhhoooossshhh!) Something whips by him, going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my F50?" the young man asks himself.

Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. (whhhoooossshhh!) It goes by again, heading the opposite direction!

And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped!

"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?"

Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! And this time, it appears to be heading right for him!!

(whhhoooossshhh...a-BbblaMMM!!)

It plows into the back of his car! The young man jumps out. It is the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are both racked up. He runs up to the old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"

 

Awesome joke. I have the visual in my head.

 

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head, when he spotted a well-known
heart surgeon in his shop.


The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take
a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc,
can I ask you a question?"


The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the
car. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix
'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how
come I get such a small salary and you get the really mega bucks, when
you and I are doing basically the same work?"


The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the
mechanic...


"Try doing it with the engine running."

 

ive discovered Ferrari's and Women are the most enjoyable when you

drive them hard,


show them off


dump them before they cost you any money!!!

 

A good Ferrari joke?

Wouldn't that be the 308 GTSi?

Sorry, I must have misread the question.....continue.....