I was away from school today. I pulled a few muscles and pulled up very sore from baseball last night, hence why I was on. You needn't worry about whether I'm doing well in school, I catch up and get it all done. You have to admit my wording of things is a lot better than most children my age or even older. I know 17 year olds that have never read a book from cover to cover.
A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down and his fly wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, "boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?" This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was at zipped up. He zipped it up & remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary. When he reached her desk, he said, "when you saw the garage door open, did you see my jaguar parked in there? The secretary smiled for a moment & said, no, boss i didn't all i saw was a mini with two flat tires." SHE GOT FIRED!!!
A man sitting at a bar at Sydney International Airport noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?" Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta." A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk." This time the woman turned on him, "What the f *** do you want?" The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh, Jetstar..!"
HOW TO HANDLE IRRITATING AIRPLANE SEAT MATES If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you on a plane or train follow these instructions: (and maybe say goodbye!). 1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case. 2. Remove your laptop. 3. Start up 4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen. 5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky. 6. Then hit this link - http://boortz.com/mp3/archive/countdown.swf
Very cool. Have seen this around before. Its fun, but will probably score you a prison sentence these days!!
Best joke today - Lowndes or someone being interviewed about V8 supertaxis and mentions the new Falcon road car, and how "we're looking forward to put it on a track and show what a Ford Falcon is capable of".
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large Metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her! The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take Your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and Went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came Out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and Go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
