What would you like to hear God say when you enter Heaven?

"Pick a car, any car!!"

 

i want him to say

wow i have never seen anyone go 220 on IH 10 before, that was crazy!

john

 

Remember the song on earth titled "In Heaven There Is No Beer"? Someone sure was wrong about that one!!

 

By the time I croak, God will have farmed out this roll to a room full of Dell service reps and I will hear the following before saying anthing!

"Pease sit dohn an-wit. I dink you be nuhmbur doo-twen-dee-doo.....Who wis necks?"

 

"Park your car out back. The party's just about to start and Led Zeppelin will be headlining tonight. Oh and I almost forgot, Trinity Loren has been looking for you."

 

"You don't have to go back to clean up the mess."

 

"You spent your entire life rambling on about how i was a figment of someone's imagination... Here; take this elevator all the way to the bottom floor; there's someone else i want you to meet whose existence you also denied.

...um... ditch the jacket; you won't be needing it."

OR:

"How come you spent so much time babbling about how i don't exist but whenever you had sex, you called for me like you just got saved...?"

 

"Sorry it took so long my son", your new liver is on the left, and the card game is to the right. And all your previous loved ones are awaiting you for dinner first.

 

Family Guy

 

Your good...perhaps too good.

 

"Here is that rib i took from you"

or

"Here are your wings, no go spy on whoever u want."

 

Second most widely held misinterpretation...
It is actually a 76 YEAR OLD virgin.

 

What I expect;

"Only YOU would do a stupid BULLSHlT stunt like that!!! Freeking DUMBA$S!!!"

"BTW, Was that UroTrash holding the camera?"





What I really expect!!!;

"Para oír este mensaje en inglés, presione por favor uno."

 

AHHHH!! And here is the man we have all been waiting for!!

 

"You've acquired enough points to enter "here", but if you had this many points, you could have had access over "there". The total cumulative points for you is enough for "there" but criteria requirements will allow you over "here". A thirty day probation period will be required to determine if the cumulative points will apply to your case.

NEXT! "

 

"How you managed to get those people to let you rule the world, I'll never know. Now, you can browse F-Chat anytime in your head, even while driving whatever car you want on any track you want. Welcome home."

 

LOL!

And all the angels woll be playing accordions and mariachi guitars!

 

Oh, THAT's my favorite!

Wes

 

Greetings Mortals.

I was referred to this thread through an F-Chat member who is no longer with you.

I will try to hear all your requests and prayers in this thread, but you have to remember, i'm not frickin Santa Claus.

It is and it won't. You're already dead. (breakfast menu available all eternity)

you can have a playstation 3.

There's an endless supply of beer goggles and earmuffs. Good enough?

If you have more than one, you can bring it to our 9th Cloud Valet. Don't believe what you hear about "you can't take it with you", that's bollocks.

That is what Brazillian women are for.

Do you prefer boys or girls?

There are only bean-bags, hammocks, and driver's seats available.

You can see your GP about any dysfunction you may be afflicted with.

Jesus? You illegitimate bastard. I remember your first words, you looked up at Mary, prepared to suckle, and muttered "I'd Hit It!".

Due to marketing surveys, we also have available for consultation Buffy's and Spike's.

If you don't mind, I prefer medium-rare.

The belt around your neck and kleenex in your hand leads me to believe autoerotic-asphyxiation may have played a part. There is a special section for you and Michael Hutchence over there.

We don't want any. Peddle your wares in an alternate afterlife destination.

I will be soliciting applications for a Senior Executive and Board of Directors very soon...

Yes. I believe he has a mint '87 Corolla waiting for you.

...but it clashes with the whole cumulus decor i have. It just won't do.

Percentage-wise it's mostly in the Bikini thread, so it counts toward downloading porn, not browsing f-chat.

Nothing Red or Yellow.

What need of Heaven have you? You've already experienced it.

Plenty of beer, just no fat chicks.

I'm seeking a new team leader, when are you coming?

There are no Subaru's here.

That is your children's problem now.

I won't say that. I've heard of Carbon Dating, but not much more than 2nd base. And please stop calling for me when masturbating, I have to look, it's in the job description.

I'm sorry, but "Poker" is not an internal organ.

I forget, did you order BBQ or Chilli?

Diga por favor el nombre del Archangel que usted desea hablar a.

Now, champagne for the ladies, and an Ouzo & Coke for me.

Be thankful for 1 months leave of stay due to red-tape.

I understand you have a Pinky & The Brain fixation.


If anyone is interested, I'm putting on a 2-for-1 special between 2008-2010. Entry to Heaven is not free, I do not require your soul, just your Ferrari. So between the aforementioned dates, you can take out another innocent and one of you will benefit from free admission.

Put your hand up if you don't know where you are.

I thank you for your worship, see you soon.

Cheers,
God.
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OMMFG...!!! How could anyone not reply to this entire post...? It's probably one of the funniest things i've EVER seen on this board...! ROTFLMAO...!!!

 

Yes, well done!

But of course you guys have to check out his profile.

"Ferrari's Owned: All of them, except the 400i."

Nice touch.

Wes

 

Very Very funny. what did God do to get banned, that's my question!

Don't worry, you can stil click on God's name, and:

Visit God's homepage
Send God an Email

and my favorite...

Add God you your buddy list!

Hey Rob, what is God's IP address? And does he use Internet Explorer, or Mozilla?

 

It didn't take him long, he's God!!

I'm not sure about the no Red or Yellow though?

 

God is Banned? Must have been by his arch enemy.........

As far as I know the only other place He's absent from, they also wear red.
Hmmmmm......coincidence.